Camy-Her Nostalgic Afterthoughtz-Camy

2010-11-17T01:59:00.002+08:00

its 2am now and as usual i cant get myself to sleep..prolly because im used to my afternoon nap.. you see..hubby work nyteshift..so usually i will wake up n prepare for hubby's breakfast right in time before he reached home..play some games together..lil chat here n there and then zZZZZZ..

hopefully he will be on leave tomorrow.. =)

its Hari Raya Aidiladha today!.. its not as cheerful to past years..Hari Raya Aidiladha seems empty for me since i lost both my grandma & grandad paternal & maternal.. pretty much maybe i will just hang around at home then off to hubby's side..well, it depends on my lazyness percentage level..

im off to facebook now..lets just put it this way..i prefer to claim myself as facebook games addict..haha

mumbles:
Only GOD knows how bad i wanna crush ur face.
the mother a whore.
the dotter is as fugly.

2010-11-10T01:01:00.002+08:00

wow!...
one year has passed. im sorry bloggy i have deserted you for this long..
well oh well..i dun think theres anyone out there that still read my blog.. bleargh..
so this shall be my personal diary. =)

at last freedom of speech!
oooweee...

will update again..this is just a warming up session heh!

2009-11-27T01:40:00.002+08:00

Numbers deleted.
i can forgive but i wont forget.
wait...
let me turn the BIG mirror for u to look into it first.

should i start? oh no..
internet ho0-haa aint my thang.

so maybe i'll just sit here & let my fingers dance on the board
watching a show.

till then i will still be smiling widely. WIDELY.

S-H-A-M-E-F-O-O-L-S

2009-10-06T11:08:00.002+08:00

the day is coming nearer...

my operation day..

TOMORROW..

*sigh* will lose my voice for a while.

sidetrack: hubby kaw mesti suker kan?...takder org nak membebel kat kaw...

HAHA..pray for me ayte bebbies...

cant talk..cant smoke..cant drink..

mesti aman dunia..bleargh!

mumbles:

i suddenly miss a list of names dem much..

wont be mentioned here.

my ego too high

2009-09-26T05:49:00.006+08:00

as i grow, i learn...
just a few more step to have my duplicate n now back at one again.
the hurt n the pain to be forced to let go a soul of my own.
a most remorseful feeling a woman can ever experienced.
i can only hear your heartbeat and feel u in me. i know u r there.
two months lil one. two months.
when i woke up you were gone. you were gone even b4 i could touch u.
know that i have always loved you my lil one. n daddy too.
but its out of our will to go against them. n now we have paid the price.
the price of missing u every second. the price of wanting u back again.
GOD pls forgive me. im not strong enuf to go against the ones that have born me to this world just to defend the lil soul in me.

the thoughts of settling down & tying the knot really gives me goosebumps all over.. having to know that a ring is just not any other ring but a symbol of love & courtship. soon i'll have to leave everything behind n just give importance to those that have been here all along. not those who wants just a casual mit ups just to catch up times. wat for?...meaningless. the ones i care are the ones that laugh wif me n wipe my tears n pull me up wen im tumbling. as for the rest...if u wana forget me like u claimed, then by all means...please do so. what makes u think i give a fark actually?..im not gona brag too much bout the unworthy ones here..its equal to wasting space.

on the other note..i love my job..the young kids never bores me..no matter how my heart sank or how im worn out..they will still put a smile onto my face with the old styles n jokes..well..wat else can kids give ryte?..but wat i hate is the BITCHBOSS..hah... i will only miss the kids seriously. resigning soon n switching to another stable job..better prospect..have to start saving from now one...*turns to him & smyle*....

been going in n out of the clinic n hosp..one job done..
getting another operation soon..haiz..pls get this over n done with..will have to wait n c wat the doc's opinion would be b4 i signed on the op. pray hard it'll be a positive one..slowly getting every pieces of my torn puzzle back.. this time will be a bigger n safely intact puzzle.

thankyous to my dearest family & future in laws for supporting & helping me up.
my ghettoz cum dollies cum associates for always being my pillar..in some way or another u guys are still a part of me.
to beloved C-I-N-T-A..this time we'll make it thru babey!
n to dem haterz...F.U! NYEHEHHEH

mumbles:

RIP Rifqi Rafeil

2009-07-31T00:43:00.002+08:00

LIKE FINALLY!!
haha

has been sucha long one mth plus having no time to update..
well its already late..i got two days mc actually but im still am goin to werk tomoro..
im still with the student care teacher job..
am considering of changing..soon enuf i got better one..

as fer my life..im 24/7 wif my beloved...goin on to the 4th month..
lots of ups & downs i should sae..but we buck up n move on happily..
am always praying to GOD for our everlasting r'ship.

as for my dolls & ghettoz...still manage to have occasional dates..
like in the club...or late nyte slackingz..
pretty much have to give up time equally for my job & his ns..our rest ethics..
time for the both of us..then for my n his family...then for dolls & ghettoz & even his bros..

clock is ticking now..will get back on track of frequent updates soon ayte..
till then cheerios..

mumbles:

GOD pls dun take away the 3 priorities in my life.

bloodz.love.darlas.

2009-05-28T10:04:00.002+08:00

HIATUS MODE
apologies for not updating.
n for not have been online for weeks seems like ages.
has been busy giving times between work boifey & family.
wait for my first pay k beloved babies.
i wont forget u ghettoz.
i know u have not been hearing much from me.
but u ghettoz are still in my heart.
im glad that my life are finally back on track.
been working as a daycare teacher nearly 2 weeks now.
support me ayte.
till den.
do tkcr.

lots of lolly lurves n ghetto misses

camylolly

2009-05-16T00:45:00.002+08:00

JUST FOR MY DEAREST BELOVED GUEST:
YOU MUST BE VERY HONOURED CUZ I UPDATE THIS POST JUST FOR YOU.
READ UP & UNDERSTAND. U CAN CHOOSE TO READ TILL THE END OR IF U CANT STAND U ARE VERY MUCH WELCOME TO LEAVE. C THE 'X' AT THE TOP RIGHT HAND CORNER?...THATS WHERE THE EXIT IS. COZ IM VERY SURE THAT U R DUMB. OUH YES. U ARE DUMB INDEED. =)

BE VERY HAPPY COZ RYTE NOW..THE BOSS ( LIKE U CLAIMED) IS SPARING A FEW MINUTES OUT OF HER BUSY LIFE BLOGGING FOR YOU. WHERE DO YOU CAME OUT FROM?..WHAT TYPE OF FOOD DO U EAT?..& JUST WHAT KIND OF MOUTH DO U OWN?..
U MUST BE EFFING DIFFERENT FROM THE REST RYTE?..IM SURE U ARE..SSHHH... U DUN HAVE TO TELL..U CAME TO MY BLOG U SPAM MY TAGBOARD..DON WORRY. IM NOT GONA BAN YOU. NEITHER AM I GONA PRIVATISED MY BLOG OR EVEN CHANGE MY URL.

HAV U TALK ENUF SHIT BOUT MY HIGHCLASS GHETTOZ?..ITS HIGH TIME U BANG URSELF HARD ON THE WALL..IF U THINK BY GIVING JUST WORDS U CAN BRING US DOWN & BURY OUR NAME DEN U R STRAIGHTFORWARDLY SO WRONG..STOP THE SHIT & COME UPFRONT. THATS THE BEST. IM SATISFIED & U TOO. ADMIT IT U R JEALOUS. SUPERBLY JEALOUS. & JUST BECOZ U LOSE TO ONE OF MY GHETTOZ U STILL HOLD THE GRUDGES DEEP INSIDE. CAN I CALL U LOSER IN THAT CASE?..U HATE HER..WANA KNOW WHY??..OH PLEASE..U KNOW WHY..HAH. U DONT DARE TO LEAVE UR NAME WAT MORE UR FACE OR ANY OF UR URL COZ U KNOW THAT BY DOING THESE U R JUST GONA MAKE URSELF EXTRA UGLY. U R THE SPECIES OF A MORON & MOFOS. TALKING BOUT PEOPLE'S MOM WHO IS RYTE NOW RESTING PEACEFULLY IN THE OTHER WORLD. CRITICIZING PEOPLE'S LOOKS & ATTITUDES. OR WATSOEVER IT IS..THIS IS ALL ONLY DONE BY SICK CREATURES..IN OTHER WORDS..ANIMALS.

JUS ONE LAST QUESTION...U STILL WANA HATETAG??..
GO AHEAD. U R JUST WASTING UR TIME & MAKING A FOOL OUT OF YOURSELF.
DROP IT.

ON OTHER SIDE..
TAKMO MCM PAHAM
SLAGI LU TAK KASI GUA JATO..
SLAGI GUA MASEH BERDIRI..
GHETTOZ TAKKAN MATI..
SLAGI LU NAK BYK BUNYI..
MAKE SURE BILER BATANG KAT TEKAK
LU ANGKAT PAISEH.

MUMBLES:

I GOT AN ANIMAL READING MY BLOG.

WHOSE MUM IS A RETIRED STD INFECTED PROSTITUTE.

& A FATHER WHOSE COCK GOT NAILED

& BUTTHOLES DUBBED WIF CIGGS.

ENUFF SAID. BE GONE.

2009-05-13T02:08:00.006+08:00

this goes out to my one & only dearest king of my heart

HAPPY 1ST MONTH BEBBY.

the new beginning for me. & him.

i will always pray to GOD that he is my last & my fate.

always pray that im his favourite HALO & his hardest GDBYE.

honest..faith..happiness..sincere..trust

may we keep holding on.

may our dainty-fingers clench.

may our wet-kisses sticks.

may our sincere-hearts unite.

may our blessed-souls conceal.

may our tight-hugs warmths.

may our neverending-promises kept.

may our brightest-smiles last.

may our sinful-love stays.

now..till a decade..till the end.

may Camy & Achul chainlocks interwined.

insya'allah.

amin.

has been gloomy baby.

until u came. until u love me.

thanks for existing.

thanks for being you.

i WUV U

SIDETRACK:

ADER HAL NGAN GHETTOZ?

TUNJOK MUKE.

LETAK NAMER.

P.S ANJINGZ2 SUNGGOH.

2009-05-07T11:56:00.003+08:00

Guys,do u realize that the girl who is holding onto u now is PERFECT in her own special way?
The way she laughs..The way she sleeps..
The way she sulks..The way she smiles..
The way she cries..The way she thinks of you..
The way she tries to please you...The way she sacrifices for you..
The way she wants to understand you..The way she's lovin you with all her heart!

Always remember that She can always get up and walk away,
getting someone else who can loves her more.
There might be someone out there..
who is willing to love her more than you are loving her now,
fulfill her every needs and loves her as much as she loves you.
or maybe loves her more than she loves you..
but definitely lovin her more than u do!

For all you know,there's already might be someone out there wooing her,
be it from a distance or as a gentleman..
but she is rejecting,coz she believes in perfect love..
for whom she will share her joys n tears together..
for whom she will promise to be faithful..
for whom she will commit herself into you..
To her,you're her perfect love! Understand that.

Guys,you might be thinking that the love is fading..
you can't find the freshness between the two of you..
everything is stale to you now..
everywhere seems the same to you..
you said "been there done that".
so u went n look for another...imagine this..

Behind her back,you're hugging and kissing another girl..
When you see her today,u do the same..
but you still see love in her eyes..
while others are just some flings.
Do you feel the hurt?
Can you feel the guilt?
for you must know..
every new thing brings an excitement to us..
only to find the boredoom n sick of it after we're being so used together..
She might not be feeling the hurts now,coz she won't know..
She might be feeling something's not right,coz she can sense..
but she's still holding on to you,
not becoz she's stupid,not becoz she's dumb,
not becoz she's a fool..
but bcoz..she believes u will not break her full-hearted heart..
she believes u will not let her tears flow..
she believes u will keep your promises..
she believes this is love!

She loves you not because you are pleasant looking,
sweet talker,or that you have 5cs..
She loves you for who you are.
Your every touch,every word you say,everything you do.
She was born here inperfect..everyone does!
Only what she wants from u is almost perfect!
and she knows she can't do it alone...it needs two hands to clap...

Guys,For her,being the upmost girlfriend is to endure your every moves,
your every moodswings,your every words..and actions.
Even dealing with the most unbearable pain she will bear it for your sake..
but once she knows that the time is up,she will leave you..
with the most unforgettable painful memories u both had,
from the sweetest to the very last moment she had to leave,bcoz of ur doings..

Guys,Cherish and appreciate your girl.
Don't break her fragile heart.
She is the only one who can loves you this way.
You won't wanna regret letting go of that special girl you have.
For everything she has done for you,
the least you can do is to give her unconditional love as she has given to you..
coz u should know,her love and sacrifice doesn't mean forever,
when she had finally realised..
you don't worth her love,
she will leave u for the one who well-deserved her love..

2009-04-30T04:26:00.002+08:00

i cant get myself to sleep~
so heres another lame aka 'takder-arah-tujuan' post..

gona be bz..
starting work soon...yuop VERY soon..
-boifey's coming over later after work. he got his half-day leave. yey!
-friday labour day holiday!
-saturday morning goin simei wif boifey's family & mitin my ghettoz over at tamp perharps..
-8th may gona have my stitches pulled.
-mother's day on the 1oth..am i ryte?
-26th may another checkup with the hand surgeon.
-5th may boifey's FIVE appointment
-16th MAY sentosa!!!!! wohoo! (note:BOIFEY! U HAVE TO COME ALONG)
-12th may & 29th may ain's & fiza's 21st bdae respectively.

BOIFEY!!
THANKS EHK..!!!
byk u nye nak BERAK,,,
padahal g carik taik dalam MIMPI!...
u make me laugh lar doinkdoink.
jus few days back...nak step ader hal kat umah...
org kol tak angkat...msg tak reply..
skali dapat tau ader hal DALAM MIMPI...
muahhahahaha

mumbles:

my junior got no price.

u cant buy him wif money.

thanks but no thanks.

& no. im NOT writting to u.

2009-04-30T01:51:00.004+08:00

im sleepy now so im just gona make this short & brief..
since i can only type with ONE hand..
nie lar namernyer..
'takder penyakit carik penyakit'...
few close ones should have known by now..
the rest will know as u SCROLL DOWN further..
untuk yg LEMAH SEMANGAT & yg tak bole tgk benda2 yg MENGGERUNKAN..
tolong jgn tgk k..

the first 3 pics are the ones at tampines..
chill kat TANGGA..

u see that E.M???
EMERGENCY.
thats my hand by the way=)

this was him at my place b4 the fight..

TADAAAA!!!!
KEWL KAN??..
AHAH

17 STITCHES...

& so0...
everything solved..
except MY HAND...
SOBSOB

on saturday..afternoon..boifey came over in the morning after work..something happened and things got bizarre..he went off jus like dat..blablabla...

i got mad & furious i turn insane & i pump up my bookshelf glass door.

3.25pm the ambulance came i was brought to the hospital immediately.

thats how i got that deep cut..spot the white thing?? thats my bone..

according to the doctor & the hand surgeon..

i would have been dead if the cut were to be a lil bit nearer to the center..

thank GOD im still living.

& so yeah..

sorry darlings.

i told ya..

im emotionally unstabled & out of mind.

wen im out of control. i dun think twice.

but stil baby..

i got my heart on you.

just dont do it again.

im sorry cuz its my fault & my sillyness.

but hey! its partly your fault too..

& i heard how u gt so worried

& hurriedly came back down again

just for me, just coz u still care.

u waited impatiently & nervously outside the major operating theatrette.

u got no mood to eat. & u even enter the E.R eventho u r unauthorised to do so,

i love u lurve.

mumbles:

deepest thanks & apologies to especially

my family..my boifey..my relatives..my dollies & ghettoz..

to get u guys so worried.

& thanks to those who was there thruout

guess wat??

im still kickin lar bebeh!

2009-04-23T14:58:00.016+08:00

pheewit blanquitaz & senoritaz. Updates on my daily life are finally posted. Too much pictures to be edited, arranged & put together. After much whinings & braggings at last im done. Got so much to say but i guess i'll just let my pictures do the talking ayte. hopefully a lil description helps though. ouh well..i got important notes & notice & reminders at the end of this post. If you are pretty much cant-be-bothered with my update please do scroll down to the last part of this update ayte pretty people.
##################################################
just a brief of what has been going on in my jobless life.
* im attached to Achul Cicak on 13th april 09 & that makes 1304 our number. Pray & hope that this time this relationship lasts & works out well for the both of us.

*7th april 09 HIGHCLASS GHETTOZ was born as the part 2 version of the former HIGHCLASS DOLLIES. We created a group at friendster. if you are free & got nothing to do. click here & take a look at who the highclass ghettoz consist of. Highclass Ghettoz Friendster Group

*Im here calling out to my beloved bonafide dolly. PYJA. i dont know what went wrong. we are all busy with our own lives. And it seems to me that you are drifting further from your dolls. One year with him at Brunei & you in singapore. You got us. We will always be here to erase away all your boredom. You are STILL one of us & always will.

*Nana got slashed & robbed on -------, while she was on her way home alone in the middle of the nyte. GOD bless that fella.

*Like Finally at LAST i managed to make it this time dating with my ITE clementians lurvelies.
Everyone of us is still the same. Lame jokes all around. Somehow they still manage to make my stomach cracks. Love u bytches.

*Been spending my time at home watching you tube. Playing online games at TAGGED like mafiawars & poker. Not forgetting FACEBOOK, pets society. Got to try. At least they cure my boredom.

*And when im out for some air & some chilling time. Its either im over at TAMPINES or SENGKANG. On other note, before i proceed. Once again i remind you people. My Home is at JURONG WEST mind you. There you go, i spent my bux on tansportation expenses.

*Late At Night...especially on WEDNESDAY,THURSDAY & SATURDAY nyte..
catch me at stjames powerhouse or dblO. move move shake shake & wasted nytes. DO NOT ask me where i got the bux from. *smyles*

*On weekends..its either i 'PUMP IT UP' early in the morning..or spent my 24hours with my chronic partner & whoever else that would be there. Dinners with my authentic family. Or Even a short trip to & fro Johore.

*When the PAPERS are in. My fave activity?...RENT-A-CAR & got it crunked up rolling down the roads..any takers?..its time to RIDE OR DIE people.

so far thats all i can think off ryte now. anymore updates, this post will be edited jyeah.

my days at home with my marshmellow bebbies.

spot the similarities. they are still my sunshines no matter

how mishievious they can be.

a quiet & calm dinner with the queen & king of my wonderful

& blissful life. no other than my parents.

our top faves? chicken chop & sirloin steak. *drools*

location: nando'srestaurant (jusco johore)

the date with my lurvelies after for so00 long.

causeway point then starbucks vivo.

sorry lar slamer nie aku buih..bluek.

dinner at PASTAMANIA..

with my bestie IJAL & ahkaliao NANA.

yum yum! im craving for it again lar sey!

my HIGHCLASS GHETTOZ..

harts dem lots..

anna..hanis..nana

wawa..sareena..lynn

over at tampines mcdonald

camy..nana..ain..wawa

had so much laughter yaw!

mazda 3 oit!!

anis..nana..yanie..camy..wawa

thanks to wawa for this candid shot..

the reason of my face was that INNOCENT cat.

nana's unfortunate event that night!!

she got one more eye on her arm..

& theres my babyboy while nana's on the wheelchair

my STJAMES MATE yaw..

faiz meng..zai..farid sparrow..

in the nel on the way back after powerhse.

putera haffeez & nana at powerhse's smoking terrace.

boi skit..
24/7 trip

at plaza singapura b4 stjames..

secret recipe!

miza getting ready in the car b4 powerhse..

i miss dem..

me & ban at dbl0 overdue pic

lepak-ingz & chill-ingz nyte at jurong point

my love.

achul cicak.

130409

guess wat...i met this bitch over at tampines interchange..

wonders where i got ur pics from..you are published.=)

spies!!! go on tell her that her pic is here.

and! another bitch...

at least for this one...

she admit she is one..

it doesnt ends here k.

best woman wins..

jadi prempuan takmu menghegeh.

.::ATTENTION HIGHCLASS GHETTOZ::.

kindly do regular checks on either

TAGGED bulletin.

FRIENDSTER group.

MULTIPLY page. (the 1st one under my links)

for updates & events.

*currently the multiply site is still under construction. hold on ayte.

*please leave me your birthdates under my tagboard. i NEED them.

####administrator####

mumbles:

TOO MANY BITCHES.

TOO LITTLE TIME.

2009-04-05T01:40:00.002+08:00

ryte now all i wanna do is just to spend as much time as possible in the arms of my beloved family whereas at the same time...im deleting..deleting...deleting most of the pics from my laptop n im even downsizing my networks communicatin...be it from tagged,msn,friendster or watever crapz..even to the extend of my mobiles!!! yes im doing jus dat exactly...1st reason why is because...i believe..the past is dead...& i dun nid some people in my life..especially the bullshits and the drama they bring...sungguh tak perlu ehk tu sumer..i jus nid..myself..my family & a few trustworthy frens..its time for me to stop asking for more..cuz finally with the help of some frens,i realised that im more than fortunate.

sidetrack..im really hopin that i would get a permanent job soon..like dis time finally my heart is open to having my own career..i wana go for wat i want and own them like real bosses do..yeehaa!

i will post the super overdue pics of wat ive been occupied wif lately in my next post...there are just too many of them...got to choose n organize those pichas..

last but not least..
to my dearest still in my sweetest memories EX//
muhd hykal bin abd malek...
happy 20th bdae bo0..
u wun get to read this now..not later..not even soon...
but maybe just maybe..oneday u will...
me n my wishful thinking..hah

im not gona lie..
u r still missed.. but not loved..dun get it jumbled up=)
memories of u..of us still lingers in mind..
its like a play recorded.i pause..i rewind..i playback...
every corner in this room...every corner i this house...
still so fresh in mind..i still kip some stuffs unmoved...coz they resembles you..
no one replace u so far..i woke up every single morning by myself..
i tuck myself into bed by myself..& i no longer dream the switest dream of u.
this just dont make sense..sometimes i still secretly cant accept the fact that u r gone.
3 years dude. just where will u be n where will i be by then?..have u ever wonder?..

my family is fine..
ur favourite babyboy eryan is growing pretty much well..
ur broken necklace is there hanging by the mirror,i still havent got it repaired
ur favourite beanie pillow is still kept untouched..
the clothes u left is there lying on the floor
my dearest lil cuzzin still manage to survive..shes der taking care of me so dun worry
& nana...shes there 24/7 never left my side..down for me cuz she has promised u.
i made good contact wif some of ur brothers or a few good people from ur life too.
ur other frens??...they sucked. coz they are fake. yeah fake=)
n ur haters?..dey still tot that camyhykal still exist. & so sometimes..the blame is pointed to me.
funny isnt it?..yeah funny. lets laugh!

so yeah.
no more bragging.
happy bdae.

mumbles:

living in the past is just like living dead

2009-02-27T20:03:00.003+08:00

heylo0 beybees!!!
i will be away from home later so its better i do my update now kae..
monday tuesday cruise at home..
wednesday cruise at zirca wif miza & hubby together wif shane..
then went over to rebel while miza's hubby waited at zirca...
then after miza &hubby went off...me & shane went to arena & mit up wif hotstuff chantelle & beautiful anastasia...
arena closes at 4.30 in which we head to rumours..
our fun fun fun clubhop nyte!..ladies nyte lagi pa??!!..wakaka

went over to my bebby miza's place...watch twilight & fall asleep..
penat tau!...haha
went out at 12.30 cuz miza nid to go to werk..
reached home & surf the net awhile..
only doze off at 3...
& here comes the BEST PART EVER...
i woke up at 8.30...
I GOT 70PLUS MISS CALLS!!!!!!
& 20 PLUS MSGS....
COOL HEH????????????????????????????????????????????????
dgr2 sampai paranoid ehk BRO!!!...
kalau kol je takper tau..
nie sampai blog plak...
aha kekek sak...nie part serious pecah terburai perot ako..

i copy paste this from her blog..
'Current status...paranoid!!!...cuz im trying to wake my dol...
ok lastly camy plz wake up lah!!! favour ah dol!!! kater jiwer!!! teman aku ah dol!!! dol dol dol dol dol dol dol dol.. biler kau nak bangun!!!!!'

(laughs like mad)

in the end i did wake up n syg nye pasal...jejak jugak aku kat tu dbl-o ehk...
got home by cab...
tok on the phone n only went to bed at ard 11...

AND THEN!!!!

it happen again lar seh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

hahah best sak 'bro' nie mcm...
miting her & lynn up tonyte!
ader project maut nye!!!

saturdae...wheres my partayyyyy people at???....
ST JAMES MEMANGGIL....wo0ho0!

mumbles:

everyBODEKS & everyPOOKEES..

Its weekend...

lets get cruising bebeh!

Oke~ golek~!

2009-02-23T03:47:00.002+08:00

to MINAHREP
whoever u are..pls ehk gerl..klau kau rase dgn msg aku tu mcm boleh jatokan aku..
ko salah org. aku tak reply pasal aku takder mase nak layan org besarnye kelepeh mcm kau.
aku tak tau kau sape..asl kau nak msg aku tu mcm pakai websms ehk?..tak puas hati ngan aku kol arh trus kiter jumpe..senangkan? aku puas kau pon puas..kau ader number aku per..kau pakai websms pasal kau takot aku ader number kau? kau takot nak kasi aku tau kau sape?.. brani buat brani tanggong. tak puas dtg depan. kau ckp bapak aku giler?..free2 jer..kau ingat bile kau ckp gtu trus aku binget aku nak reply kau balik?..hah tak dapat joy..stakat kater2 je..watpe?
bodo sak kau.aku takkan jato kan maruah aku sendiri nk layan binatang mcm kau. MTL.
mepek tak layan. ader faham?..try harder..baru aku tau websms skrg ader minahrep arh.
thanks for making me laugh. pape la eyy.

SORRY readers for starting my update with that kind of post. seriously mcm kental seh msg aku maki2 pakai websms. like waddafcuk?...watever la kan. below ive posted the pics during my trip to jb to mit my Mr Ex & have our late nyte supper overat singgah selalu..went there wif nana, lydia,mai & nadia..

kyo & an(wif cap)

nie lah gua nye ahkaliao...Bro & Dol.wakaka (inside joke)

he suddenly jadi lelaki pemalu sejati...

dem again

me & him...he just refuses to luk at the cam

mumbles:

you said move on

where do i go

i guess second best

is all i will know

2009-02-19T05:54:00.003+08:00

morning!
i have safely reported back to my headquarterz.
ive met him.
after fer soo0 loo00ng...
separated for years..& finally.
stood infront of him. squeezed his face wif my two palms.
& i go 'aaarrrrrrr!!!!!!! rindu kau bodo!!!!!'
haha..will update wif the pics.
nana...gua mau gambar k bro0!..

b4 i forgot AGAIN...
i wanted to sae thanks to this guy here..
my azwandy.
wanna know why??..
because..on 14th february. valentines day.
i didnt celebrate it.
but dis guy here..
gaves me a valentine dedication at perfect 10. 98.7fm..
one of my fave song.
check yes juliet by We The Kings.
thanks my emoshit hunny!
sweet larh kau!

We The Kings- Check Yes Juliet (official music video) - We The Kings

Check yes Juliet Are you with me?

Rain is falling down on the sidewalk

I won't go until you come outside.

Check yes Juliet Kill the limbo

I'll keep tossing rocks at your window

There's no turning back for us tonight.

Lace up your shoes Ay Oh Ay Ohhh

Here's how we do:

Run, baby, run Don't ever look back.

They'll tear us apart

If you give them the chance.

Don't sell your heart.

Don't say we're not meant to be.

Run, baby, run.

Forever will be You and me.

Check yes Juliet

I'll be waiting Wishing, wanting

Yours for the taking.

Just sneak out And don't tell a soul goodbye.

Check yes Juliet

Here's the countdown3... 2... 1...

now fall in my arms now

They can change the locks

Don't let them change your mind

We're flying through the night

Way up high, The view from here is getting better with

You by my side

to you naz..pls ehk...jgn jadi jantan kepok. takmo nak jatokan air muke aku k?..serious sak ko merepek.u are jus nothing to me.so wat makes u tink dat i give a damn kalau ko nak benci aku or watsoever..jgn buat aku ketawer larh pls.easy come easy go.aku tak rugi pape sial. siang2 aku da warning ko.if u tink u wana play this game,i will play along wif u.coz aku tau aku takkan kalah. ko fikir aku diam kirekan aku bodo?..jatoh bro!..lain kali check dulu profile camylolly dalam2 k. aku dgr ko warning nana?...ape ko ckp? jgn sampai ko nampak die kat luar?...hahaha..asl ehk? dier hutang ko nasi lemak?..sory k. kalau aku btol serious dgn ko..dari dulu aku da dgr ckp ko biler ko tak kasi aku kwn ngan nana..its either u or her..skrg ader pe aku stop contact ngan dier?..aku tak puki miskin nak tinggalkan kwn stakat pasal jantan. cara aku bukan tu mcm..ku da malas nk bual byk. fridae kiter tgk k whether ko kene telan ape ko ckp ke tak. kater gangster...kater lak-ko...*whistle*

saper2 yg tak tau criter bout wat has happened at dbl-o pls takmo step mcm paham k. yg kasi kiter, kyo teck whye dgn boges tanjong. me..nana..my cuzzin bro acit..& idah..kyo da ckp sory da angkat paiseh dgn aku..boges aku maseh lum dpt contact. takper kiter chill. singapore tak besar. ko da pump aku sampai bwh mata aku koyak beh trus hilang..aku ader kene mengena pe dlm nie criter?..tu part mau tkcr.

to acit..tolong ehk. prangai faneh ko stop it sak. aku prempuan siol aku cover kau. jiwer darah nye pasal. kiter beza stakat aku ketok kau satu tahun je. ko paling gerek dgn aku. ape2 jadi kat ko..aku nak jwb ape dgn mak bapak ko?..ader kepaler otak kan? da jadi firefighter kan? da boleh fikir sendiri kan?..nie pecah takkan jadi kalau idah tak pump muke boges dulu. misunderstanding sak bro..dua2 side salah. den? ape lagi ko nak? maseh tak puas hati?..kire ape..sampai one of us da mampos aru ko puas hati?..tu part kirim salam tendang terajang sua bro!..dulu pon ko ader hal dgn bdk cutting kat dbl-o jugak..aku suro ko jalan ko degil ko nak stay..sampai ex aku hykal bual dgn ko pon ko tknk dgr..sekarang member da kat dlm 3 tahun siak acit..aper2 jadi kat aku kat dbl-o hykal cant be there to protect aku.aku cumer harapkn ko dgn nana sak. tu pon hykal da kasi tanggung jawab dier kat nana untuk jage aku biler die kat dlm..and even adik sarina..dulu dier harapkan aku..nana dgn hykal..skrg hykal da belayar jauh..tinggal aku ngan nana..klau pape jadi sape nak jage dier??..ko tak fikir per tu sumer?..aku ckp gini takmo amik hati. kakak sdare ko syg ko siol..da kire untong kiter ader kak yaya dgn abg sham..pape jadi dorang yg tolong settle kan..dgr ckp dorang,dorang da mkn garam lagi dulu lagi dari kiter..zaman fire..zaman spark..sumer dorang da jejak..skrg nie hal antara idah dgn boges biar dorang settle cara dorang..ni ko masok campor..org yg tak ader kene mengena mcm nana pon terbabit. dier kene pasal jiwer aku nye pasal tau ehk..maner aku nak letak muker sak?..bukak buku baru sua. habis criter.

15YEARS SISTAHOOD CUM STRANGER...been growing up together more than a decade.both have witnessed many changes in each other. but...that nyte..theres too little time with too much to tell..u have suddenly become a stranger in my eyes..sometimes i hate how we became more apart..but wen i tink back bout OUR BOND, deep down i do miss u. dun know why i jus cant bring myself to face u..different feelings all jumbled up. i felt so wrong neglecting u & act ignorant towards u..but at the same time..im jus disappointed in how u turn things to..dats y i jus refuse to. i know sometimes u needed me to be there jus like how i have always been ur listening ear during old tymes. n i know u r disappointed in me too.u kip track of my life n how ive been doing by checkin up on me thru my blog. u know wat darl?...i did the same too..i dun know how else to put this into werds..wif my every tears & every joy.YOU FEEL ME. u know the REAL camy like no one else wuld..& there were even times wen i nid u so badly but u cant be there coz u r bz wif ur own working life..times wen my parents are away..the time wen i lost MY junior..times wen he took my love for granted.. times wen i became insane n lose grip of myself thinking dat life's not fair. thinking that theres nothing more to live for..i needed u so bad. needed u more than anyone else. i was here. i have always been here.y didnt u come?.. CAMY never initiated things UNTIL u make the first move. CAMY keeps every problem sealed from others. but CAMY never stops hoping that sumone will eventually come n ask her just a simple. 'ARE U OK?'..maybe u forgot. camy isnt as strong as how she appears to be upfront..i know u will read this..ive said my part. im jus disappointed in u..u tagged me.what would i wana change bout u?...ur EGO..yes ur EGO. i hate it so freaking much..ive cried enuf. ive let it all out. im relieved.

mumbles:

sorry for the fanatic werds & emoshyt feelings..finally ive had my say.

2009-02-18T19:52:00.004+08:00

im so happy! im so happy! im so happy!
(jumps around the room like mad)
ahah!
yes im happy.
cuz im mitin him later...
yey yey yey yey!

HE who taught a weak soul how to be independent.
HE who taught a temperamental slut how to be patient
HE who taught a spoilt brat how to live life the hard way
HE who taught a dumbfool bout love's sacrifices
HE who have once earned the throne as the king of my heart.
& he who still has this lil corner built for him.

CamyKyo 140906
bila yg tertulis untukku adalah yg terbaik untukmu
kan ku jadikan kau kenangan yg terindah dalam hidupku

mohd rafli bin nenwary
a past thats meant to last.

close ones knows how meaningful he once were in my lyfe. ive once set a goal of 5 years to wait for him. i was clueless of how long he will be imprisoned. eventually it was 2 mths 4 strokes & banned for life from singapore. painful?..yup!. definitely.

for him i start working selling takoballs everyday after school. just for his convenience. i bought him a bike too.distance was the only thing that separates us.met only once in 2 weeks or even 3 weeks. wen pass the immigration barriers independently alone.but that doesnt bring us down. hard?...super hard.

family & frens were there...they hated watching me being that way..some just dun agree wif our r'tionship..they said i deserve better. but becoz the love & care they had for this hardheaded stubborn girl..they still accept & gave never ending support to me..Lucky?...im thankful to0!

then..one day...fate turns...& put a twist to our fairytale.
thats wen..castles turns to a small hut made of straws..
flowers turns to dried leaves..
a calm blue ocean turn to puddle of mud.
my prince got kissed by an ugly toad & became a beast.

our fairytale's ending isnt beautiful.

so yeah..dats how things were THEN...
16mths of love..tears..joy..pain..hurt..
of course we nid to have some bridges burned to have some lessons learned.
im fine now.
stronger & wiser than before.
so smyle!

mumbles:

nazrul gonjol! Go on wif ur life of lies.

monyet?...u there?

i set myself free cuz i know shes better.

giving up doesnt mean i lost.

camy never lose=)

~3outof115msgs

caring,irritating,noty,treasure,adorable;fer u baby.

jgn byk ckp k..nxt time we mit i will except eu who eu are nw k! faham tk?

jgn byk tanyer lar gal.. aku nk syg kau..kau faham tk? can eu change n be my shining star baby?

2009-02-17T16:18:00.005+08:00

camy being emotional...
nie sumer normal...

ash...
i dun know wats goin on in ur head. but seriously u r crap. wat else u actually want?.. u've oredi got hykal ryte?..ouh yes u've got him the dirty cheap way.. kalau btol aku busok ati mcm kau..memang da lamer aku biler2 maser boleh tulis kat hykal sae this & that bout u..we can jus ignore n leave u in the dark biler hykal suro spyke pass msg kat ko asking u to write letters to him. n now u r telling me dat hykal taknak kiter sumer tau address dier?.. if its true...then..prove it to us...part maner yg dier tulis dlm surat ckp takmo kasi kiter add dier?...if its true..hykal takkan nangis kat dlm pasal takder org visit dier & tulis surat kat dier.. mak dier takkan bilang nana suroh tulis surat kat hykal & jgn lupe antar bdae card kalau kiter sumer syg dier.. OR maybe...ko taknk kasi pasal ko pentingkan diri sendiri?..ke ko takot hykal dapat tau ape ko buat kat luar slamer ni?..u wana sae kite tipu?..ckp uh...sedapkan hati ko...pasal aku pon tau..ko punye org cumer tau BUAL BLAKANG JE..biler depan2 ko mati pucuk. ko nak ckp aku 'thanks for listenin?'...serious sak gerl. ko MEREPEK. ape yg aku listen sak?..ko fikir ako ader maser nak main ni game sebok2 dgr org bebual?..sorie aku tak mcm ko. aku tak perlu mintak2 menagihkan info. info sendiri datang kat aku=)..stop tinkin u r soooooooo special in his eyes kae..u r not. u r just like his any other typical standby.. maybe ko rase ko memang hebat sebab ko da dpt dier dgn cara taik ko. tapi kan gerl...ko kurang handal!...aku da malas uh kae..nak jadi baik..aku baik2 dgn org mcm ko aper aku dpt?? ko pijak kepala aku...ko joget2 atas kepala aku..meh sini aku masok kan sikit vitamin dlm kepale otak ko yg da berulat tu..ko cnfirm per hykal dgn ko pasal syg??..or isit becoz he was already caught in the act & was forced to be wif u jus becoz he dun want to have a bad name?..or he knows dat he has no more chance in being wif me anymore becoz my family have blacklisted him?...asl ehk dier suroh nana jager aku dgn adek sdare aku? asl tak suroh jage ko skali?..wenever u r not wif him...asl ehk die msg2 aku kol2 aku?...asl kat msn biler time aku chat dgn die..gambar display yg at ferst gambar korang trus dier tukar letak gambar aku dgn dier??...asl ehk dier kasi aku lagu takdir dan waktu dgn lagu aku terpaksa kau dipaksa?..asl dier maseh nak webcam dgn aku nak tgk aku??...asl biler da dgn ko dier maseh panggil aku mummy atau b??..asl die kasi aku baju dier yg ader bekas bau dier?..asl time kiter shake die maseh nak bwk kan beg aku like he always do?...asl biler aku dgn hykal break dier ckp ngan aku he wont be happier after this???... n he said to me..ryte now frens are more important..which is..kalau ko tak faham..meh sini aku explain dgn ko...considered dat time u r his gerl & im his fren..so let me ask u..kalau die da ckp gtu kirekan saper dier lebih pentingkan???? me or you???? ..so doesnt dat explains why he ask nana to tkcr of me instead of u??..sorry uh beb..aku dgn hykal da kenal 8 bulan..n been together for 2 months..walau stakat 2 bulan..da mcm 2 tahun..bangun pagi muker dier..seblum tdo muker dier..luar dlm prangai hykal...mcm maner otak dier fikir sumer dlm tangan aku..dier nangis kat aku sumer aku yg nampak..kalau ko btol da perfect untuk dier..tak mungkin on the morning of the second last court date dier bual kat phone dgn aku mengadu kat aku. asl tak kol ko?..pasal dier tau...aku lebeh kenal dier...n i can see that he's suffering with you. die lapar tak mkn sumer..ader kau kasi die mkn??? nana yg kasi korang duit utk mkn!...ko sebagai ppn die maner ko nye tanggungjwb?...sampai hp sumer tak ter top-up...biler dier dgn aku..ader ke hp dier low balance?...ader ke kurang rokok?..pernah ke kiter tak mampu g club evryweek?..aku dgn dier samer2 susah samer2 senang arh gerl.. ape aku kempunan nk mkn sume die dptkan...pagi2 da ader kat depan umah aku belikan mcd breakfast...in case ko luper..aku tinggal jurong ehk..die tinggal yishun..ko fikir arh mcm maner besar die nye syg kat hyfil..da bandingkan die nye syg kat ko?...hyfil ketok seribu tiang..

ko da dpt hykal dari aku..aku tak pasal..pasal aku tau..ko takkan pernah boleh amik tempat aku..
tapi ko nak amik hykal dari kwn2 dier jugak..u poison his mind until his last moments kat luar die benci kwn2 dier..asl??...padahal slamer die dgn aku...dier pernah ehk criter kat aku mcm maner dier syg kat kwn2 dier...especially nana & mario...hykal robot..adeq fazly..eh gerl!...yg nampak airmata dier jato cumer aku sorang lar k kat riverside!...dgn senang2 ko hancorkan sumer..asl ko dengki sgt?...org mcm ko memang tak patot hidop. hati kau da terlalu busuk. binatang pon kalah..hati aku sakit aku tk heran..tapi pasal kau kwn2 dier pon kene..tu KAWAN2 bukan kawan aku at first...DORANG kwn KAU DGN HYKAL!...tapi sikit pon ko takder kesian. u only want him for urself..u alone & only u!..jgn nak step gerek larh kae..! org yg ko ingat gerek dgn ko pon pangkah ko lar bodo!...kalau prempuan, da dapat first impression from a guy as 'ppn rolling'..power ke tak siol?..kire da maut arh....hahah pecah perot sak aku dgr..tell u wat kae gerl..lepas ko da bacer kan..aku pon tak tau arh kan ko bacer ke tak..aku pon takder heran.. kalau ko rase ko nak g MENGADU ker...nak carik simpati org ker...go ahead kae.. lagi aku suker.. pasal ko pun suker per kan bual blakang pasal aku & mati kan aku ni sumer.. den after dat ryte..klau ko rase ko tak puas hati ker..kwn2 ko tak leh accept ker...senang jer...org ckp aper tau..

LAI ARH!!!!!!

to you...
..im sorry dat i gave up..honestly..u r all dat i ever wanted..not for the swit talks..not fer the fun chat times we had..not fer the looks u owned..the bike u have or even ur luxury..but becoz i got a strong sense that u can be the one who could change me & go back to my old self.. ive been waiting for this kind of guy for such a long time..then u came by...thats wen ive decided to be determined to go get wat i deserve. but after a long recap..i finally woke up & realized that you cant accept me for who i am..so y should i still try ryte??..i will only hurt myself more if after trying i still failed..i dun wish for that..cuz i cant stand another heartache again. i admit im not strong enuf. i wish i could rewind. but fact is fact..i dun live to serve others. thats just not me. maybe n time we will mit again..& maybe thats wen u'll change ur mind. for now..im not gona stop doing wat ive been doing..im just gona take back the hopes that ive put on u..go on boy..u deserve better...thats the reason why u arent here..ive been goin thru this shyt alone.. i know its gona be worthwhile in time to come..but thats still a long way..one mth or 3 weeks?...aint sure bout that..but fer now..im killing myself softly..yes i admit & i cant deny..im killing myself softly.. i cant get a grip of myself..been shivering like its winter here...shivers not becoz im cold not becoz im on drugs..but becoz....---i tink u should knw y....shouldnt elaborate more...as much as i miss u.. i have to go b4 the big heartache strikes me..i never failed myself..but this time u succeed in failing me..ur performance has made me stronger...but not strong enuf..know y? becoz wen i fall..u arent gona be there to pick me up. thats y...ur heart is not open so i must go.u come & go & leave me clueless.. if ever i culd see ur face again...maybe i wuld sae this 'sit down, tok to me & luk deep inside'...so since u cant stay..come back one day will you.. if im nowhere to be found...luk for me..coz maybe im somewhere else luking for u.. in this blog..everything u see or hear..its all for u..im out of werds..sealed with tears. i treasure the person reading this.

p.s she looked in his eyes & stopped in confusion..was dis man real or just another illusion?

mumbles:

walau ku terlambat.

kau tetap yg terhebat.

2009-02-17T14:48:00.003+08:00

heres the over due pics st james powerhouse.

shane..ain..ain's fren

camy & dee

camy & dee part 2
shane..squashed camy...dee
camy& shane

camy-lolly-lolly-lolly
dee & faz (nana)

camy & shane ~like duh! (shane! happy nampak)

hamzah's

(sidetrack)

M.F..if u r here..dis is for u...=)

antara ada dan tiada-utopia

setiap ku melihatmu

Ku terasa di hati

Kau punya sgalanya Yang aku impikan
**dan anganku tak henti

Sajak tentang bayangmu
Walau kutahu

Kau tak pernah anggap ku ada
Ku tak bisa menggapaimu

Takkan pernah bisa

Walau sudah letih

aku Tak mungkin lepas lagi

Kau hanya mimpi bagiku

Tak untuk jadi nyata

Dan segala rasa buatmu

Harus padam dan berakhir
kau tahu kurasa hadirmu antara ada dan tiada

(ku tak bisa menggapaimu,takkan pernah bisa..kau hanya mimpi bagiku,tak untuk jadi nyata)

Antara Ada Dan Tiada (Acoustic Version) - Utopia

mumbles:

will u hold my hand while i take a lil step at a time?

& if u never let me fall, i shall stay wif u until d nyte fall.

2009-02-16T20:49:00.002+08:00

im down with fever AGAIN. and this time its much worst than the previous one. ive been up to nothing much actually. same old boring days. club club club...chronic chronic chronic...wasted wasted wasted...

something happened at dbl-o on thursday...& now theres a tore under my eyes...
but that doesnt bring me down...i still enjoy myself on the upcoming saturday at st james.
swollen face but wif my hood on...the plan still went smooth.

to nana...thanks for doing wat u did. u promised him that u'll take care of me..& u did. i duno how i can repay u. for now...i will kip on being there wen u nid a fren..thanks again...

to mario..if u read this...i miss hykal too...ur msg was really heart wrenching..everyone miss him..the day will come soon. & we will all be re-united again.

to M.F..ive changed my blog..now theres scrollbar ok...dun complain anymore..heartfelt thanks to u for the advises & fer the helping hand that nyte..if werent for u..i duno where i'll be.. well, im here to sae that i will prove to u..that i can make it..& that im not like the rest.. mark my words..
im not doing this for ur sake...but its for my sake... thanks again.

i'll update again soon. this time with pictures ok.
gotta rest now.

mumbles:

So take a bow

Cause you've taken everything else

You played the part and Like a star you played it so well

Take a bow Cause this scene is coming to an end

I gave you love All you gave me was pretend

So now Take a bow

The future's about to change, before you know it,

The curtain closes, take a look around,

There's no one in the crowd, I'm throwing away the pain,

And you should know that your performance made me stronger now

2009-01-31T07:30:00.002+08:00

b4 i totally forgot..its my daddy's bdae lar oit..
thanks to GOD for all blessings he has given to my dad.
daddy i cant sae much cuz my eyes are pulling the shutter down.
ive disappoint u alot. yes i know. i will try to change for the better step by step.
n dun u worry daddy. i got a grip of myself. i know wats wrong n wats ryte
wat not to do or wat to do. i will go get wat i want n wat i dreamt of.
ur lil gerl are gona live life jus lyke the wae u tot her to.
no one replace u.
no one.

sorry nana!

pic tertinggal satu!

nah amik kau..

mumbles:

you were everything i didnt need

you were the pain that stayed too long

we've come to the end of the day

so lets say goodbye.

simple

2009-01-31T04:35:00.008+08:00

timechecked 6:05am on a saturdae morning..
still not asleep ehk aku nie..haish..
life's getting more mundane.
bleargh!

i hate my fridae..so im not gonna elaborate more.
but thursdae was awesome..!
bows to dbl-O!..
who said clubbing is bad..
its not! its a boredom-killer...
yes it is.

attendance at dbl-0..
ryan
ain
nana
shane
zack
nelly
naz gonjol
matin
sam cino
memo
baby diamond
acit
idah
irhan
fadillah
chica
issyafiq
fir

dun get me wrong ok..these are the names that i bump into..not the ones that i went there wif..

towards the end dbl-0 kalau takder pecah memang tak sah..so there is..exactly ryte in front of me..hahakz..senang ckp ape tau...nie sumer normal..Kasot converse jgn melayang kat kepala sudah ehk nana ehk??...=)

so SHANE heres the pics u wanted. some are edited. let me know if u wan the original copy ayte.

i still save them tho. to be exact i was the only femme k. & dgr2 aku jadi bahan kekek of the nyte..takpe..jiwer nye pasal, gua angkat!

attn: liyana faziana

heres the leftover pic of the last dbl-0 memory wif him.

p.s the day my converse shoe falls on ur head=p

sidetrack:

latest news. i jus got an sms from a drunkard.

Minum sikit mabok setahon!

(nie kepala bapak aku..nie kepala bapak kau..tak hapy kite fight k..i b waiting)

ape da kene tau dgn si deknie nie..

brape kali nak ingatkan ko..

lain kali nak buat benda gini..pls ehk..hp g letak jauh2..

g simpan dlm freezer..kae???

his fave pic...ya2...i know its pointless..

but its just for the sake of my memories oryte people.

Went through the attic today

Found an old yearbook packed away

And I started reliving the past

When I saw his face.

Suddenly, to my surprise

I felt a tear fall from my eyes.

You can find someone,

And live your life,

Put an old memory out of your mind,

But the heart never forgets.

A face on a crowded street,

An old movie on T.V.,

A song on the radio

Can bring it all back.

Years roll by,One by one,

All things change,

But there's always someone,

The heart never forgets,

No the heart never forgets.

on other note....to my secret-affair; heres to you

Your heart is not open so I must go, the spells been broken, I love you so, freedom comes when you learn to let go, creation comes when you learn to say no, theres nothing left to lose, theres no more heart to bruise, and theres no greater power than the power of goodbye, You were my lesson I had to learn, I was your fortress you had to burn, faith is a warning that somethings wrong, I pray to god that it wont be long, I wanna fly HIGH

2009-01-29T03:05:00.006+08:00

so i got 3 darlings whose bdaes fall on todae..29th january!....

my beautiful cuzzy..

my gorgeous bestie..

my prettyface guyfren..

HAPPY BDAE YOU GUYZ!!!!

i was suddenly reminisced by some things from the past..which eventually leads my mind to him. that someone that has once made me fly..yeah fly..absurd arent i?...as ugly as how things happened. i have to admit..he is my beautiful nytemare..so beautiful nytemare...jus like how ive said it b4...'i carry ur heart with me..i carry it in MY HEART'.

jus a lil recap of the past..of how it all began. u r greatly deeply badly madly missed.

mumbles:

its 2-0-0-9;lets switch rolls!

2009-01-27T03:45:00.006+08:00

heylo0 prettayy readers!
im back updating my online diary..
aint werking..aint schoolin..
but stil i just got no time logging into blogger..
pathetic arent i?..

where did i stop?
okae..jus a brief updates..
CamyHykal has officially broke up on 14/12/08
Mum & Dad has safely landed back in singapore of 29th/12/08 =)))
celebrated countdown 'paranoidly'..
celebrated nana's 21st bdae superbly advance
happy2 35th bdae to my 1st sis on 2nd january 09
happy2 21st bdae to liyana faziana on 2oth jan 09
happy2 advance bdae to my darlin babygerl n dearest elegant dolly which falls on the upcoming 29th...
n to my beloved daddy too0000....31st jan...=)))

did i left out anyone's???
if there is...im sorry..

annnd so yeah...
life has been pretty hectic lately..
thankfully im still breathing.

i was blessed to have my family still givin me the guidance n support thruout..i felt a great sense of loss wen my parents are away for 3 looooong weeks..n this is wen we siblings do our part to ensure everything is olryte..we manage to crate a bond that we neer knew we wuld..in this 3 weeks i feel the love not only from my blood sibling but also from my two bro-in-laws.. as the youngest the would do anything..just anything to ensure im doing fine doing well..they trusted me to behave wen im out n gently reminds me to take care of myself. this is wen i realised that the certain people whom i tot wuld be there actually wouldnt..n i guess ive come to realise dat no matter wat it takes..family always comes first..n for this i thanked GOD for giving me this chance to still know that its not too late. mum & dad no one knows how hard it is to pull thru every single prob & heart torturing situation without both of u. i love u.

heres the 3 marshmellow in my life..all grown up so uptightly balled up..aiman is now in pri 2..n i still can remember how heavy he was wen he was still just few days old..now?..pri 2..c how time flies..fast isnt it?..n the one below not to mention...growing fatter jus like me..my frens used to col her minah rep implying that she follows my minahrep accent..i guess until now she still does..c how chubby she is??..the third one...is now already standing on his two feet.. n he calls everyone 'MOMMA'!!! cutecute stuff...as irritating as they are...they are still my sunshine tho..=)

aside from my family..how i enjoy life??? the usual.. nytelife...clubbing..get drunk..apart from being a social butterfly..u have to at least try being a junkie n turn chronic!..or even a fighter n turn evil!..like they say..LIVE FAST DIE FUN..do watever u want...sae watever u wana say..no regrets..simple yet hard.. this is where the 'friends' came in..1 or 2 isnt enuf..i believe 3 is a crowd n im sure u guys do to0..the more the better..as i grow up..i tend to learn that no matter how disappointed or mad or angry u are at someone who was once ur bestfren,at the end of the day they are still ur frens..n wen u reminisce the past u would be lying if u were to say that u dun miss them..so why not let bygones be bygones n drop ur ego down n just shake hands...easy ryte??..why hold grudges..its just a waste of time..theres more to it in lyfe..so come on! GETTA LIFE. dollies...dollies...watever happens i wuld most appreciated if u gerls just let it all down. haiz

aside from my dollies..of course theres still others that needs my attention..like my lil cuzzy babygerl(fyi she calls me mummy)..ahah! we grew up together..n i can still remember clearly how we will always do things together..just the two of us is enuf..i always adores this lil babygerl of mine eversince she was a baby..n till now the sense of protection for her is indeed strong. make sure u let no one steps on ur head ayte..n one thing...fcuk care wat other wana sae..DO WAT U LIKE..remember we dun live to serve others=)

n then theres 3 of us.. me him n you. yeah you...my chronic junkie fren..the only one who is willing to tkcr of hyfil wen everyone else doesnt.. the one who waited for me n hykal for hours n hours at vivo.. a true fren i can reli on..u got to cure urself from all those side effect that u hav ryte now kae?..biler2 ko boring kiter buat case same2 kae??...dudok cell sbelah2...muahaha (inside joke)... n ouh.. i dun know wat happened to u n zyn n also wif ernie...but i hope u jus luk on the brighter side kae..dun ever give up on someone u cant live without..prove to them how u reli feel..any problem im here to lend a ear. c u soon shaker!

n then...theres 4 of us!!! one happy family!...sadly..it doesnt last..wat else is there to sae..im out of werds wen it comes to this..let fate decide n time will tell..for now..life has to go on..lets keep holding on to our wishes guys.. remember the moon is always there..

so heres the new man in my life..shouldnt elaborate more..

i dun wana lie...i dun wana tell the truth either..=)

this one is another beautiful strong lady that ive met thru nana..

it was really a nice experience chatting n gossiping wif u the other day.. thanks for listening n advising n making me feel that its not the end yet.. terperanjat tak nampak gambar ko kat sini??..sorry aku curik...muahaha! lets stay strong together ayte!..

muhd hykal bin abd malek..

why cry??

i tot u sae that u r having the last laugh?

hykal2..you should have tot bout this long ago..

kan da kene extend 3years 2 months 9 strokes..

naseb tak 3 years 6 mnths 9 strokes..kalau tak confirm ko da jiwer tanjong.

this time im sorry.

as much as i sympathise or miss u..

i just cant bring down my ego like how i always do.

ive moved on.

n to you whore..so tell me now..have u really won??? goddamn it.. singapore tak kecik.. so jus kip doin wat u r doing.. kip on lying n faking it..kip on pretending that u r still so true to hykal...

so this time its my turn to shine n my turn to sae...WATEVER! JUST DROP IT!...thats the phrase ur bestest fren shida sae to me..so i guess i shall return the favour back..=)) n wats all those shyts bout haters fcuk off or evapourate??...heylo0! u shall be the one backing off okae..org mcm ko memang tak tau malu ehk??...mcm bodo gtu. org mcm gini pon maseh ader. kesian mak bapak ko beranak kan anak ni mcm. dalah. u suck. bye.

okae..now its for my lurvelies..nisah..fanah...wanie...wanee...fadh..

wat happened on fridae isnt intentional..

i got tis problem whereby a fren of mine rented a car under my another fren's name

n in the end that fren didnt return the car n went missing..

as the middle person..i cant just live like dat..

im so sorry.

deepest apologise from me.

mumbles:

tell me i cant & i'll show you i can

its the end of the day & now its in GOD'S hand

2008-12-28T22:59:00.002+08:00

UNTUKMU SELAMANYA-UNGU

tak pernah aku mengerti
apa yang kini aku rasakan
kegelisahan hatiku saat ini

ku masih merindukanmu
walaupun kiniku tlah bersamanya
tak pernah mampu ku coba lupakanmu

sungguh tak bisaku mengganti dirimu dengan dirinya
sungguh tak sanggup aku
berpaling darimu

mumbles:

lil miss camylolly

dont be so blue

i know what you are goin thru

dont let it beat you up

hitting walls & getting scars

only makes you who u are

no matter how much ur heart is aching

there is beauty in the breaking

29th dec is here at last!

2008-12-26T22:40:00.002+08:00

quoted by krezyn:
it might not be the same cause he's not there.
bt as long as he's there in your heart,
let him stay there in your heart

3 few more days to my parent's return...
14 more days his going away..

mumbles:
bytch pls..
luk at me & luk at u..
now tell me whose jealous of who.
hah u can never be at my spot.

2008-12-22T17:37:00.002+08:00

two songs dats gona kip me goin on..

yeh..wif jus even two songs..

its oredi something fer me..

diz two songs will oways kips me company

every each n single nyte..

from that somebody..

my __________=)

Takdir Dan Waktu

Tidak kutahu mengapakah

Sepinya melanda hatiku

Dan bukannya kemahuanku

Datangnya sendiri

Tidak kutahu mengapakah

Pilunya dipinggir hatiku

Dan kucuba untuk mengusir

Tapi tak berdaya

Lalu terbuka gerbang hatiku

Menyambut rindu datang bertemu

Aku gelisah

Kini rinduku menjemput cinta

Yang ditakdirkan denganmu sayang

Bukan pintaku atau mahumu

Semuanya suratanNya

Tapi mengapakah kau sekadar waktu

Cinta yang datang cepat berlalu

Pergimu sayang bersama cinta

Tercalar pedih di dalam dada

Aku tersiksa

Aku terdiam kaku menahan

Bisanya menikam kalbuku

Separuh nyawa ku pandang wajah

Di depan kaca

Tutup kembali gerbang hatiku

Tidak bermaya langkah kakiku

Di saat ini

Tidak kusangka jadi begini

Terpisah jua kita akhirnya

Aku sendiri tidak mengerti

Sungguh pilu di hatiku

Untuk melepaskanmu demi kerana

Ku masih sayang, sayang padamu

Terbangkit resah di dalam kalbu

Terhimpun rindu (sayang)

(Luka cintaku)

Scan

Kau Dipaksa Aku Terpaksa

Hati siapakah mampu menahan rasa terkilan

Setelah percintaan dihujani halangan

Sia-sialah aku berkorban selama ini

Andai dirimu tak mampu aku miliki

Pernah jua ku terluka dihiris belati tajam

Walaupun rasa pedih masih mampu ku menahan

Tapi kini aku luka erti luka perasaan

Walaupun tak berdarah bisa buat aku gundah

Kutahu cintamu amat kuat untuk diri ini

Namun tak memberi erti

Jurang pemisah di antara kita

Makin hampir ketara

( 1 )Hina sangatkah aku pada pandangan keluargamu

Hingga sewenang tohmahan dilemparkan

Engkau hanya bisu melihat aku

Yang bermatian seorang menepis hinaan

Oh kasih andai ini kesudahan

Ikhtiarku tiada lagi

Walau kita saling sayang

Terpaksa kuundur diri

Agar tiada pihak terluka kerna kita

Kau dipaksa lupakan aku

Dengan rela kau menurut

Ku terpaksa lepaskan mu

Walau sayangku bertaut

mumbles:

Barulah kini kau kenal

Antara kaca dan permata

Orang selama ini kau puja

Rupanya pendusta

2008-12-20T03:58:00.003+08:00

Goodbye
It's a shame that it had to be this way
It's not enough to say I'm sorry
It's not enough to say I'm sorry

Maybe I'm to blame
Or maybe we're the same
But either way I can't breathe
Either way I can't breathe

All I had to say is goodbye
We're better off this way
We're better off this way

I'm alive but I'm losing all my drive
Cause everything we've been through
And everything about you
Seemed to be a lie
A guiltless twisted lie
It made me learn to hate you
Or hate myself forletting it pass by

All I had to say is goodbye
Were better off this way
Were better off this way

All I had to say is goodbye
We're better off this way
We're better off this way

And every, everything isn't only
What it seems so hold these
Words that you never told me
It's time to say goodbye
It's time to say goodbye
It's time to say goodbye

Goodbye
Bye
Take my pain away
Spell it out
Tell me I was wrong
Tell me I was wrong

Happily Never After
"I dont think I want this anymore"
As she drops the ring to the floor
She says to herself

"You've left before
This time you will stay gone , thats for sure"
And he shattered something as
She dragged her suitcase down the path To the driveway
She had never gone that far
Normally this would be
The time that she
Would let him talk her out of leaving
But this time, without crying
As she got into her car
She said No..Happily never after

That just aint for me
Because finallyI know, I deserve better,
after allI'll never let another teardrop fall

As she drove away she starts to smile
Realized she hadn't for a while
No destination, she drove for miles
Wonderin' why she stayed in such denial
Laughing about the way he shattered something as
She dragged her suitcase down the path
To the driveway
She had never gone that far

i hate this part ryte here

We're driving slow through the snow on 5th Avenue
And right now radio's all that we can hear
Now we ain't talk since we left, it's so over due
It's cold outside but between us it's worse in here

The world slows down
But my heart beats fast right now I know this is the part
Where the end starts
I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger Slipping through our fingers
I don't wanna try now
All that's left's goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you
I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take your tears
I hate this part right here

Everyday, 7 takes of the same old scene
Seems we're bound by the laws of the same routine
Gotta talk to you now 'fore we go to sleep
But will we sleep once I tell you what's hurting me
The world slows down
But my heart beats fast right now
I know this is the part
Where the end starts

I just can't take your tears
I hate this part right here
I know you'll ask me to hold on
And carry on like nothing's wrong
But there is no more time for lies
'Cause I see sunset in your eyes
I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through our fingers
I don't wanna try now
All that's left's goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you

mumbles:
goodbye darlings

2008-12-17T01:35:00.002+08:00

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before?
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

this is not what I intended
I always swore to you
I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start

breathe in so deep
Breathe me in, I'm yours to keep
And hold on to your words 'cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight when you're asleep

2008-12-16T00:55:00.004+08:00

quoted from this witchy bitchy whore's frenster shoutout...
MeowZay (click the link)
'yea.man! imma bitch! i won!'

you won????
the games not over yet darling...
NOT OVER.
theres more to come.
if u think by fcukin wif someone's boyfren makes u a winner...
hah.
u r wrong.
SO0 wrong.
trus trang nye bual ko saket psychiatric counselling ker sakit batang????

in your about me..
u typed.
'hates bytchin around'
wadda fcuk!
memang dari dulu kan ko suker rampas laki org..
patah alik pangkeng dgn ex2 ko eventho da break.

its revealed.
everyone now sees the real u.
well not everyone, cuz my dumbo jumbo ex is still wif u.
da kene air kangkang nye pasal kan..tu sebab..
mater trus jadi buta.
hykal2..dulu ko sendiri ckp ni prempuan minahrep tak jadi..
sial arh..jato kan air muke ako sial laki aku jantan yg bual world.
bytch pleaseeee i run this shot.
wana be a bytch??
be a highclass bytch.
ive got all my time to help upgrade a damn lowclass bytch like you.
i knew..it was all planned up by u. from the very beginning.

from the start wen u knew hykal is attached. i know u r jeles.
i read everything. confession?...admit defeat??...
those rings u exchanged.it was u.
bytch..listen..
EVERYTHING started from you.
it was YOU who clap first..
two faced mother fcuker..
u tried so hard to always be around wenever im with hykal.
u smiled wen we quarelled. ouh yes u did.
you fake it all along.

until u c me with my middle finger in the air..
thats wen ni story baru abis sundal..
n thats also wen i will forgive & forget..
forgive myself for being sto0pid..
forget that you've ever existed.

mumbles:
ladies..
if he is DUMB enough to walk away..
then be SMART enuf to let him go.
but
only AFTER..
u feel he has got wat he ought to have.

2008-12-15T20:18:00.001+08:00

It's funny how you think you really know yourself
Like you would never lose yourself to someone else
And I was up to thinking it was all about you and me
Silly, silly me

I should have never listened to a word you said
But I was always giving into promises
I never should have gone for
I should have never longed for you no matter how hard it gets
And I want this to be over
I so want this to be through
In the end somehow it always comes back to you

[CHORUS:]
'Cause everywhere I go
No matter what I do, boy
I just can't get you out of my head
So it annoys me
He wasn't man enough
To come and tell me
That I was never the one
Like you said I was
You could have told someone
You knew that you didn't love
Me anymore

If you had only told me how you really felt
I could've put my feelings into someone else
But I was busy thinking that was where I was supposed to be
Silly, silly me

But there was something about you that I couldn't resist
Can't put my finger on it but whatever it is
I never should have stood for
Knowing you're no good for me
That's the way it is

And I want it to be over
I so want it to be through
In the end somehow it always comes back to you

i tell myself
Get over you
It's so the right
Right thing to do
And just when I Thought I was done
You pulled me in For another run
I can't take this
I won't take this
I can't do this
I won't do it

Even if I know in the end somehow
It always comes back to you

mumble:
tak pernah ku kesal memilih dirimu..
meskipun pudar kelam masa depan..
salju didanau rindu.

2008-12-15T17:12:00.030+08:00

HYFIL DANIEL.

07 JULY 2009

& so heres mine

BEAUTIFUL NYTEMARE

im better off alone

ASHIKIN.

YOU TAKE WATS MINE. I'LL KILL WATS YOURS.

AKU AKAN PASTIKAN KO HIDOP DALAM KEMATIAN.

HYKAL.

TERPISAH TIADA TERPUTUS.

P.S HYFIL.

MA & PA

COME HOME QUICK

2008-12-14T18:03:00.002+08:00

it was all so clear.
like a tape kip on playin over & over again in my mind.
i cant feel.
i cant think.
anymore.
numb.
yes dats the word.
all i can say to you is...
'you're my last'

p.s
dear fellow readers.
i'll be on hiatus mode now.
wun update any sooner.
the next LAST post will be all pics of the past.
memories.
plain memories.

mumbles:
Rest.In.Peace
Muhd Hyfil Daniel Bin Muhd Hykal & Muhd Hykal Bin Abd.Malek
i will be there soon too.
wait.

so long.
fcuk off.
gdbye.

2008-12-09T03:32:00.003+08:00

been tremendously out of routine lately.
bz.bz.bz.
not werking actually. but spending valuable times wif wonderful & amazing bunch of peeps.
theres alot to list in my calendar.
theres some that i cant afford to remember & those that stays in the lil corner in my heart.

i miss ma & pa.soo sooo0 s000 much. they are away from 3 to 29 dec. Gosh.
I cant describe how i feel. coming back home knwin that mama arent there to greet me.
knowing that shes not ard to peek me in my room. to wish me 'gudnyte switdrims c u tomoro morning'..& wen i woke up in the middle of the nyte to fill my hungry stomach, papa aint no longer there to shock me anymore. i miss mama's voice on the phone. i miss papa's voice callin home every afternoon. i miss them. ma, pa.... col us pls. i miss u.. c...im cryin again.

beby has been a very good boy. eventually he reali kip his werds. he promised mama he will take gud care of me. n he did. emotionally & physically. been spending most of my time wif him & his amazing frens. miting them almost everydae. jamming, play pool...slacking & shaking & chilling..cool heh. n even spent 3 days together at pasir ris park then nana's place then my lil dearest cuzzy sis chalet..u guys have a plc in my heart darlas. on other note,
i dun know where my dollies have all gone to. but at least thankfully i got beby's frens to forget my misses towards dollies. well dolls, wherever u are....pls do take gud care of urselves. i myte one day arrange for a lil dollies's gathering. i do hope fer the sake of our sweetSweet memories...pls make it full attendance yeah.

i read this on a beloved's shoutout 'you were gone forever even before i could give you my love'.
darling..i know u r very disappointed. EVERYONE TOO. but lurv, u have to understand. im forced. its out of my will. i have to let it go. n now,dun u worry...im paying the price FOREVER. truly, me & hykal REGRET. wish we culd turn back time. but its too late. hyfil daniel.. im still missing you now & always will.

got to head to bed now. its 3.52 & i have to answer my morning call at 7am...
as fer the rest of my stories & wat ive been doing...
will just update u guys wif pictures & pictures in the next post.
come back yeah.
astalavista.

mumbles:
YOU NEVER KNOW WAT ITS WORTH UNTIL ITS GONE.
YOU WILL LOSE IF YOU CHOOSE TO REFUSE TO PUT ME FIRST.

2008-11-24T01:08:00.003+08:00

WHO AM I TO YOU?

WHAT AM I TO YOU?

WHAT DO I MEAN TO YOU?

going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
hrmmm
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
u are my
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
...
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
bel
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
o
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
v
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
e
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
d
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
s
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
w
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
e
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
e
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
t
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
h
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
e
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
a
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
r
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
t
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
w
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
h
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
i
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
c
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
h
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
i
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
l
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
o
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
v
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
e
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
s
sgoing nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
o
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
m
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
u
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
c
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
h
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
u are not what to me
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
u are sumone special
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
above all
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
the question cant be answer any more
going nutz... any1 plz kill me says:
coz u meant so much to me

ooOOweeEEEE

im getting to know more & more bout my boifey in & out as every each day passes by..

theres more in him behind locked doors..how his head werks..how his heart feels... what he actually wanted without to have ask fer it..how he want things to be..im slowly piling up his personality & life profile..hidden & upfront...will soon have u in my system database. ahah!

lurve ya truckloads hunneylove!

2008-11-23T23:12:00.002+08:00

i took a lil glimpse of the past, present & future. happy & upset events. unforgettable & forgotten stories. as i lay here on my cozy pink bed. was staring blankly on the ceiling above me. as soon as i realized dat my pillow sheet was wet wif tears. i get interupted awhile as it came into my mind. out of all things, one thing that i particularly never gets tired off is CRYING. the thought of it shooked me hard. i gotta change. to be known as someone whom has a very low self esteem & low confidence isnt a great thing to be smiling of. im easily soften. just let others do their thing & wat they want. NOT wat i want or wat i EXPECT it to be. & at the end of the day. i gets moody. knowing that i hated it. & im faking it. it sux. reli, it sux big time. my fate lurvs twisting itself.
ryte now this is the POINT in my 20 years of living finally making myself know that...the person whom u hate or seems to be ignorance towards in the past are actually the one that loves u more than the one that u gave chances to. the FRENS whom u tot would be there for u 24/7 & was reli sincere to be one of your pillar of strength actually WERENT. & the one fact u have to face was actually...no matter how fair or unfair life is...u only got one person u can TRULY rely on... YOUR OWNSELF. cuz only u know wat u want. wat u are. & who u are. NO ONE else.

out of 100% of the ones u know...only 20% can be TRUSTED while the other 80% are nothing but a bunch of morons ,fakers & pretenders..while out of these 20% only 5% deserves my wholehearted love. y? becoz trust & care are two different thing..only my family & my babyboo & some of the frens can be trusted & bothers to show care... while the rest.. can jus be trusted but to care for me?...fat hope...just a mere 'how r u?' isnt enuf.. i would be stoopid if i were to go all out jus for these morons.. enuf of these shits..not even worth a space in my blog isnt it?..

life 0 life...i wonder wat else u have in plan for me.. just please dun take my love & my two souls away..

i came across this poem on abortion. i cried while reading it infact im still cryin now. go ahead scroll down.

poem 1
It's early still, the month is one,
And my life has just begun.
I'm so small, don't have to hide,
I'm but a seed growing inside.
Four weeks later, the month is two,
I'm still small but a part of you.
You'll love me a lot, wait and see,
You'll be proud as proud can be.
Time has passed, the month is three,
Now, I'm someone you can see.
My hair is black, and my eyes are brown,
I'll be fun to have around.
Now, I'm gone, the month is five,
Mommy killed me, I'm no longer alive.
Abortion is the name they gave it,
They take your life before you live it.
I wanted to be born, the month is six,
But it's already done, it can't be fixed.
I guess my mommy didn't love me,
She went and just threw me away.
She'll never forget me,Forever in her heart is where I'll stay.
I have a new home now, the month is seven,
Congratulations, Mommy,Guess what, I'm in Heaven.
Mommy still carries around a frown,
Cause I'm in her memory, but not around.
You would have loved me, the month is eight,
But guess what, Mommy, it's too late.
Murdered by my mommy's hand,
I guess I'm too young to understand.
Goodbye, Mommy, the month is nine,
I could've been born, doing just fine.
Although I'm here in Heaven, I still cry,
Because of my mommy, I had to die.
Mommy, mommy, the year is one,
And my life could've just begun.
Mommy now the days have gone by, it's year two,
And I can almost tie my shoe.
Soon, I'll be three,
And you would've been too busy to mess with me.
A long time has passed, and the year is nine,
I would've been happy down there with you all mine.
Now look, Mom, it's year 18,
Oh how the time has passed,
I've become a woman,And I wouldn't have been able to last.
Well, goodbye Mommy, it's time to go,I
love you, I guess you should know.
But Mommy I see and I know,
That always and forever in you heart I'll grow.
Forever in your memory I've stayed,
And I see now that you've paid.

poem 2
Mommy keep me safe, Mommy keep me warm
And with all your love, Mommy help me form
I’m six weeks old today, and a birthday gift to me
Is a pair of bright blue eyes, so that one day I may see
I’ve already got my arm’s, I’ve got my pudgy nose
And at the end of my feet are funny things called toes.
I’m looking forward to life, stories of Celtic tales
Teddy bears and laughter, fun and squashing snails
Where are you going I wonder today?
On a bus far away!
Why are you lying down, being pushed on four wheel’s
This doesn’t normally happen how funny it feels

Banging through the doors, all the people in green
If they HURT you mommy, Mommy Scream!
Please don’t go to sleep mommy, please don’t leave me alone
Mommy I’m Scared, I want to go home
Mommy what’s happening, I’m starting to CRY!
Run quick mommy I don’t want to DIE

They are killing Mommy, they’re pulling me apart
My arms, my legs, they are cutting my heart
Goodbye Mommy, Mommy goodbye
Thank you for trying, but I won’t see the sky
I won’t see the birds or the grass or the trees
I won’t sing sweet songs, or feel a cold Nordic breeze
I won’t hear the stories of our peoples glorious past
My Future is Gone, it ended so fast
I love you Mommy dear, I really do,
I really hoped, Mommy, you would have loved me too.

poem 2
Please don't kill me mommy
Just what have I done?
It wasn't my fault you got pregnant
It was your fault for having "fun."

Now I have to pay for what you did
Abortion clinic, but why
You may not know it now but when you go
I will know and cry.

I want to come into the world
And I want to be a part
Why can't I gain entrance
Into my mommy's heart.

You want to know something?
I'll soon have your blond hair
And also your sky blue eyes
Does that make you want to care?

Please don't do this mommy
Abortion is not the only choice
why can you not love me?
And use your own debating voice.

I know that you care
I know you really want me
Why does daddy get to choose
The way that it should be?

He says he's not ready
But what about you?
Yes I can hear you
I have feelings too!

I may only be a fetus
Only twelve weeks along
But every night I hear you
Sing your sorrowful song.

You cry all night
Wrapped in the sheet
Ashamed to tell him
The decision you meet.

Abortion kills and you know this
But today I'm three years old
I am glad you finally saw the truth
And I love that you became bold.

Dad is here and he is great
A natural daddy of course
I am so glad that after your chat
He felt such remorse.

Just think if you had aborted
I would not be here today
Who knows where you and dad would be
And know I thank God every day.

mumbles:
as days went by..
u getting different each day...

2008-11-17T21:58:00.002+08:00

ckp tak guna tembak tak kene...
byk bual byk bunyi,taik pun takder..

sadly dats the kind of frens i have..
yeah true..
beautiful turns beautiFOOL...
money minded human...
& theres even others who only devours dicks...
well...
just like how my bebby always said..
U FCUK THE FAKE SHYT!
FCUK YOU!!!!

these bunch of irritating kiddos arent supposed to live...
after a while...after growing & goin thru experiences..
soon u'll understand wat life is totally all about..
u think u know..but u have no idea..
go on...kip twisting those tongue of urs & put those stories to the ryte places..
go on... kip telling & reporting stories to ur boss..& then...turn it all around..
kip using ur frens as a scapegoat...
use them wen u got no one else...
use them wen u run out of frens..
kip on using them..for the sake of ownself enjoyment..

thats it...ive had enuf...tokin more bout these kind of morons arent worth it..
theres more out there who well deserves my concern & attention.

well...im startin wif a new chapter in life..
yeah new...
to the ones who have always been there for my sake..
thru good & bad..ups & downs... thru everything.
its time for my turn to be there for u guys..
to the ones that dun matters...
its time i face reality..
u guys are not an angel afterall.
bleargh!

& bebby....
u better behave okae..
be a good boy & sit at home...
swit love of mine...
hartz u bo0.

mumbles:
my mr brown eyes...

2008-11-17T21:20:00.003+08:00

heylo0 latinaz & blanquitaz
im changing my blog url to
www.camylolly.blogspot.com
take note yeah.
astalavista

mumbles:
t-shirt on.
i miss u.

2008-11-12T00:08:00.002+08:00

Just like a shadow

I'll be beside you

I'll be your comfort

I'm there to guide you home

I will provide you a place of shelter

Just like the moon

I'll step aside

And let your sun shine

While I follow behind

unlike my past exs...
i never make it official bout us..
i rarely update our daily plans & doings..
i seldom post our pics or watsoever of that sort..
but lurv..that doesnt mean i love u less..
a guy that i used to ignore or be redundant towards..
is now actually my greatest love story..
more then my past lovers..
u are now ranked as first..
evntho Mykal is only 1mth 1 week.
but yeah..
through days & nytes...
with or without make ups...
u still love me in the morning..
i-love-you-too-much-more-than-you-always-do

mumbles:
t-shirt shontelle

2008-11-11T15:41:00.010+08:00

after for soo long keepin it all to myself.

I have come to a time.

whereby..

i have to face the fact.

THAT NOTHING LASTS FOREVER

in this post.

im gonna make 2 VERY IMPORTANT DECLARATION.

1)HIGHCLASS DOLLIES

I dun tink dollies are important to u girls anymore. sometimes u just get head over heels & ur ego just take controls.. sometimes even wif words from a thousand mouths doesnt get in ur heads ryte gerls?..people change..some to the worst..some to the better...& some just dun even bother to change anyting at all.. all they ever do was to think highly of themselves... i cant believe my frens...or even my DOLLIES to be like dis...but wat can i say...yeah i change too..
to the worst... but i still kip one thing in mind...THERES LIMITS TO EVERYTHING.. from beautiful to beautiFOOL...from a humble sweet gerl to a money minded lady...u gerls want it this way ryte?...so here it goes...

HIGHCLASS DOLLIES 0801 HAS COME TO AN END.

maybe we will unite back AS WE GROW UP...

in which i dun tink we will..

sooo....FCUK THE MEMORIES K...

FCUK IT.

2) to my beloved boifey

we had a very big fyte yesterdae...i should i sae thruout these 3 days..or even those previous days since we've been together...im happy wif u...no doubt...i AM.but the happiness doesnt last for long...every quarrel theres always a reason...FOR OURS...ALL IS BECOZ OF HER..

im getting sick & tired of this...as much as i love u...dun u tink i should be happy too??

u said u would do anything.ANYTHING for my happiness...u said we will both start a new chapter...leave the past behind...

im asking a favour from u...as ur gerlfren...just for this one time...i wana claim...i SHOULD claim

my rytes...

I WANT YOU MY BOYFREN TO SEVERE ALL TIES WIF HANI.

can you?

cuz i dun which to quarrel wif my boyfren anymore.

i dun wish to throw tantrum at my boyfren just becoz of her.

the root to our every single argument is her.

i dun wish to argue wif my boyfren anymore. i want both of us to be happy.

so...CAN YOU MR BOIFEY??

not just for my sake...for BOTH of us.

2008-11-08T01:26:00.005+08:00

R-I-P

beloved grandad..

a day at

SENTOSA

THE clubbin NYTEZ

THE KARAKZ

ERISHA'S & ERYAN'S BDAE..

& THE CHALET...

MY CANDY ROOM

mumbles:

my.UNFAITHFUL

please love only one.

2008-11-03T23:53:00.002+08:00

a permanent solution to a temporary problem
SUICIDE isnt a weakness

Imagine:
To stand on top of the highest cliff.
To feel the wind tearing at my clothes, the elements.
The only truth left in a world of lies and hypocrisy.
The beauty of the abyss.
The anticipation, like anticipating the greatest sex, an existential foreplay.
Looking down into oblivion and voidness.
The ground far, far away as it seems from here, but in reality only a couple of seconds away. Standing there.
Feeling eternity in a restricted world.
Feeling a decision in a prefabricated existence.
To draw the final breath,
To make that little step,
To know, that for once a decision was made,
To feel one foot above the abyss,
To think for a split second you can float in the air like the cartoon characters on TV,
To feel losing balance, To fall, To gain speed,
To have the air tear at your hair and clothes,
To feel the cold wind violently caress you,
To see the ground coming closer,
To scream in orgiastic excitement,
To know what you have done,
To know that you have done something for once.

Maybe even:
To doubt,
To regret,
To wish yourself back to the top of the peak that you are pacing away from.
Mercilessly To fly into annihilation,
To see the truth, whether it is a beautiful or an unbearable truth for the fraction of a second only.
Those 10 seconds would be - must be - will be much more revealing than 10 years of most other people, Than the whole life of most other people.
More true, essential, focused, divine. Purer.
70 years forced into seconds.
Refined into pure knowledge and truth.
Those 10 seconds would be - must be - will be worth a lifetime.
A worthy payment for endless agony
No more endless, unbearable pain.
No more routine.
No more repetition.
No more

-- Peace.
To sleep, perchance to dream.
To give in to the tiredness.
To fall asleep.
To find solace.
No more agony.
To end.
The end.

last note:
thanks for everything
MOHD HYKAL BIN ABD. MALEK.

2008-11-03T14:50:00.002+08:00

do you realize dat the girl who is holding on to u now is perfect in her own special way? the way she laughs..the way she sleeps..the way she sulks.. the way she smiles..the way she cries..the way she thinks of you..the way she tries to please you.. the way she sacrifices for u.. the way she wants to understand you..the way shes loving you with all her heart.!always remember that she can always get up n walk away getting someone else who can loves her more. there myte be someone out there.. who is willing to love her more than you are loving her now..fulfill her every needs and loves her as much as she loves you..or maybe loves her more than she loves you..but definitely lovin her more than you do! for all you know theres already myte be someone out there wooing her..be it from a distance or as a gentleman..but she is rejecting..coz she believes in perfect love. for whom she will share her joys n tears together..for whom she will promise to be faithful for whom she will commit herself into.. to her,you're her perfect love! understand that. you might be tinking that the love is fading..you cant find the freshness betweenthe two of u..everything is stale to you now..everywhere seems the same to you...you said 'been there done that'..so u went & look for another..

imagine this..
BEHIND HER BACK..YOU'RE HUGGING & KISSING ANOTHER GIRL..
WHEN YOU SEE HER TODAE,U DO THE SAME..
BUT YOU STILL SEE LOVE IN HER EYES..WHILE OTHERS ARE JUS SOME FLINGS..
DO YOU FEEL THE hURT? CAN YOU FEEL THE GUILT?

for you must know every new thing brings an excitement to us.
only to find the boredom & sick of it after being so used together..
SHE MYTE NOT BE FEELING THE HURT NOW COZ SHE WONT KNOW..
SHE MYTE BE FEELING SOMETHINGS NOT RYTE COZ SHE CAN SENSE..
BUT SHE'S STILL HOLDING ON TO YOU..
NOT BECOZ SHES STUPID..NOT BECZ SHES DUMB..NOT BECOZ SHES A FOOL..
BUT BCOZ SHE BELIEVES U WILL NOT BREAK HER FULL-HEARTED HEART..
SHE BELIEVES U WILL NOT LET HER TEARS FLOW..
SHE BELIEVES YOU WILL KEEP HER PROMISES..she believes this is love..

she loves u not becoz you are pleasant lukin,sweet talker or that u have 5cs..she loves you for who u are. your every touch,every word you sae,everything you do.she was born here imperfect..everyone does! only wat she wants from you is almost perfect & she knows she cant do it alone..for her being the upmost gerlfren is to endure your every moves, your every mood swings, your every words..& actions..
EVEN DEALING WITH THE MOST UNBEARABLE PAIN SHE WILL BEAR IT FOR YOUR SAKE..
but once she knows that the time is up, she will leave you..with the most unforgettable painful memories u both had,from the sweetest to the very last moment she had to leave..BCOZ OF UR DOINGS...cherish & appreciate your gerl. dont break her fragile heart..SHE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN LOVES YOU DIS WAY..you wont wana regret letting go of that special gerl you have.for everything she has done for you, THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS TO GIVE HER UNCONDITIONAL LOVE as she has given to you COZ U SHOULD KNOW HER LOVE & SACRIFICES DOESNT MEAN FOREVER, WHEN SHE HAD FINALLY REALISED you dont worth her love. she will leave you for the one who well-deserved her love.

mumbles:
its out of my will to stop you..
EVENTHO i know i have the ryte.
eventho we both know..
its hurting me.

2008-10-24T19:09:00.002+08:00

so where shall i start?..been to0 bz wif my everydae life...i just cant seem to update the events...
aint working nor skoolin...but the funny thing..i didnt find that such a bore at all..certainly not at this point of time for sure..

been giving myself the life pleasure that i yearn..i jus cnt be bothered with wats goin on surrounding me.. time change...life change & pple change..changes happens all the time..as a human..we have to accept wats fated.. mouths murmur ol those crappy stuffs...y cant they just shut up?...jealous??...let them be...we cant always satisfy every single one's needs... be it family or frens..i cant help myself but to kip on tinking positive & letting myself know that i dun live to serve them..its just me for myself...me..my parents..my babyboy & some of my gerls. dats all...

i just wish u will luk at urself first b4 judging..but haiz...i dun tink u will...

i cant seem to be able to describe every single thing that took place...not even a brief of it...
just a summary...
my family & i....maybe i should just put it this way...the only person thats FINE wif me is my one & only mama...yes only her..the rest???...hah dun bother knowing k..& lately...my heart is not in this home anymore...sidetrack....i wish i could fly...

my gerls????....jus like i said...time change...PEOPLE change...& maybe givin up & leave is a gud choice...sometimes all we nid is just to sit down and tok..but no! that doesnt take place...instead..
we just lurves FAKING it...for now...kip faking it...& kip TALKING. dun tink i dun know=)

my lurve...he is all well now...been spending like 24hrs to 48 hrs or even 72 hours straight together... the past wasnt ours...so we only have the present & now...as for the future...all i can say is that its not in our hands...hopefully he will get a shorter period...just appreciating & making full use of all the time thats left for us...lurve u b.

mumbles:
on a lighter note..
bad news..my grandad passed away peacefully...
good news..ive got my driving licence..syukor alhamdulillah..

2008-10-11T20:09:00.002+08:00

once upon a time...words never hurt me..

change never killed me..love never broke me..

fear never shocked me..& all my hopes never faded away..

i never broke down..i was always happy..

yeah, ONCE UPON A TIME.

2008-10-03T00:34:00.002+08:00

"If you believe that feeling bad or worrying long enough will change a past or future event, then you are residing on another planet with a different reality system"

so true but sadly its not gettin into me.

doesnt catch me at all.

warning.

im emotionally unstabled.

again.

yuop.

AGAIN.

it came back.

it never leave for long.

its been away for awhile.

& now its back.

got me screwed.

got me frustated.

& dangerously paranoid.

now im building these ugly tall walls all over again.

should i create another 50+ ugly lines again?..

TORN.

RIPPED.

ABANDONED.

SHATTERED.

yours truly,

camy.

2008-09-28T14:10:00.004+08:00

spent my friday wif some of highclass dollies & associates....
went cityhall to mit hykal first..then me him & his bro head to taka to mit ayen..
went around for sometime then head to fareast to mit fyza & breakfast at long john..
honestly,,,was a lil bit mad at hykal at long john...
TETAPI APEKAN DAYA SESUNGGUHNYA KESABARAN AKU MASEH BOLEH DIHANDLE.
ceh ceh ceh!

after longjohn..went to level 5 cuz fyza was having her hair coloured..
end at around 10...
then off to cityhall again..
watch F1...OOOWEEEEEE!
EVENTUALLY last train for that nyte is at 1.30...

as for my saturday..
went taman jurong to get my hair done..
took me 6 hours...
in which in the evening..
went to the hosp wif mum & dad...
i reli hope my grandad could make it till raya..
pls pls pls...you got to hold on...

i wana paint my room..
gotta get goin people..

btw..last note..
what do u do wen u miss someone so so0 much..?
& knowing that...they doesnt...
u cant tell...u cant show..u just gotta kip it inside..
knowing that u cant..or even SHOULDNT miss them..
but u just did..

mumbles:

youre still the one.

2008-09-26T04:00:00.012+08:00

heylo0 darlaz..
just brief ok..
last saturday...wen yishun...then off to geylang wif my dollz..
then monday...miza..pyja & hubby came over to do my bruise dressing..
in which at nyte went to jurong hill & west coast park wif my primary skool mate shabbir...
tuesday..went to mit anne ferst at town after my driving prac...then came myja & mas...we had our dinner at ayam penyet ria at lucky plaza....
wednesday...after my bbdc went over to yishun to mit up my mr hykal...then came anne & one of his fren & 4 of us just chillz&lepakz...
thursday...mit hykal again..& then head to town..mit feza&emy...at the same time waiting fer anne to end work..
& today!....gona mit them again! yeah...again...cuz fyza wana get some hairjob done...
annnnd....also....time check...its 5.48am...at 10am...hykal will be at court 3...
hope u can make it fer this raya darling babybiol...

SATURDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

SUCCESS!

I manage & im able to not contact him 3 days solid!...my next goal will be one week...

in which from there i will slowly get by..

been keeping myself bz lately..wif my dolliez..

my guyfrens..my families...my ex's family..

yes..

every single one of them did their best...

& i know they care for me...

a heartfelt thanks to my family...my dolliez&their hubbies...

my marshmellows (eryan..marsha..aiman...)..

my hunky guyfrens...

my ex's bro & wife esp kak zura...

mr limpeh...mr boypink..

miss nurrizawani..

& taggers....

thankyou thankyou thankyou...

im getting along quite well...

& will even be better as days swept by..

& hykal..

update me wif gud news please later.

please.

mumbles:

the present leads to the future

2008-09-24T12:27:00.002+08:00

im coping wif life pretty well..not so well but at least its 'well'...
i try my best to take my mind of him. try to concentrate on something else..
i hold back my every tears for him. cuz i dun wana cry anymore. NO. not even a single drop of tears. but no matter how hard it is..sometimes i caught myself thinking & missing him. i admit. i miss him. who wouldnt miss the ex?...sometimes..even in times wen u tot u have moved on so far ahead. at least for once.u will stop & realize that wats actually on ur mind is him. i cant lie to myself. i admit. but i know...this will all be over soon. until wen??? until i get over him.

so this song is how i feel..no matter how.
he's in my mind.STILL.

Woke up today thinking of you

Another night that I made my way through

So many dreams still left in my mind

But they can never come true

I press rewind and remember when

I close my eyes and I'm with you again

But in the end I can still feel the pain – every time I hear your name

The sun won't shine since you went away

Seems like the rain's falling every day

There's just one heart, where there once was two

but that's the way it's gotta be,‘til I get over you…

Walked through the park, in the evening air

I heard a voice and I thought you were there

I run away but I just can't escape

Memories of you everywhere

They say that time will dry the tears

But true love burns for a thousand years

Give my tomorrows for one yesterday

Just to know that I could have you here

When will this river of tears stop fallin

'Where can I run so I won't feel alone

Can't walk away when the pain keeps callin'

I've just gotta take it from here on my own

But it's so hard to let go

mumbles:

blessing in disguise

2008-09-21T13:31:00.008+08:00

.A TRIBUTE TO CAMYCASPER.

biarkan waktu terus berputar.

mencintaimu kamu penuh rasa sabar.

meski sakit hati ini kau tinggalkan.

ku ikhlas untuk bertahan.

cintaku padamu begitu besar.

namun kau tak pernah bisa merasakan.

kau meninggalkanku tanpa persaan.

hingga ku jatuhkan airmata.

kekecewaanku sungguh tak berarah.

biarkanku harus bertahan.

jangan pernah kau coba untok berubah.

tak relakan yang indah hilanglah sudah.

jangan pernah berubah-ST12

ive never felt this way before..everything i do reminds me of you..

& the clothes you left,they lie on the floor.

n they smell jus like you,i love the things dat you do.

when you walk away i count the steps that you take.

do u see how much i need u ryte now?...

sometimes..

you'll bleed just to see if you're alive...

afdillah i know u dun like to read but read this.

boifey..

i miss u. im still missing u now. n till wen?..i myself am not sure too.

everything happen so sudden..until i dun have enuf time to pause the sweet memories

jus so that i culd reminisce them all wen u r gone..jus like the saying goes//SOMEONE ASKED IF MISSED YOU.I DIDNT ANSWER.I JUST CLOSE MY EYES & WALK AWAY.THEN I WHISPERED 'SO MUCH'.WITH TEARS ROLLING DOWN.//i can never find the ryte person if i can never let go of the wrong..but at the same time..the moment i felt like letting go..i remember y i held for so long..maybe sumtimes i have to forget wat I WANT..& remember wat i DESERVE..i'll try...sometimes i wonder if u have split personality...one minute u say this & the next u say that..even if u had problems..we have always gone thru it together ryte?..i was lukin at ur face yesterdae..n its just so heart-wrenching..even my fren said so..but b.if by leaving me makes u happier..den jus go k..maybe ive always hurt u without me realizing..maybe u get offended..if there is..den pls do accept my deepest apology..i know ive brought ur pride down..but baby...thanks fer the one last kiss on my forehead yesterdae..come back if ever u r hurt or alone...i wont let anyone do that to u..i never hold grudges on u & i hope u didnt too..n this love i have..will kip on goin on..untill...till ive finally moved on. for now..i'll just have to wait..& let time & fate decides it all for me. remember this..if u are lost..jus thing back on yesterdae..& i will be there.

MUMBLES:

lill miss lolly

dont be so blue..

i know wat you are goin thru..

dont let it beat u up..

hitting walls & getting scars..

only makes you who u are..

no matter how much ur heart is aching..

there is beauty in the breaking..

P.S...i have ur smell on my sweater..& thats how i'll get by..

2008-09-18T00:50:00.002+08:00

life has finally turn around for me..my happiness doesnt last long..at least not long enuf as i expected it would be..life is a drama..& isnt drama full of lies..so y must i live in lies..i dun understand..or maybe i just dun want to understand. its rather confusing. one day we are laughing & the next we are crying like hell. im tired of crying. i cry becoz of the pain my heart feels. i wish i can stop crying. i want to stop crying. so for me..i slit my hand..that nyte..the next day wen i woke up..n then thenext nyte after that..why??...cuz for me once i slit..my pain is transferred to my hand..& only by then my tears stop. dun worry bout me.i wun go to the extent of killing myself.at least exclude yesterdae..bang my head..swallowed pills. but none did great job..maybe i should just burn myself alive i guess. out of my mind???? nah..just an impaired perception. guardian angel, u said faith??..i dun believe in that anymore..at least not for now. it doesnt werk anymore. no..not anymore.. pls people..dun bother to advice me..or talk sense into me. cuz no matter how many millions or billions or zillions of word came out from ur mouth,dey still wont do any help.basically ryte now,my minds shut. closed. all i want ryte now is just to be by my family's side & wif the ones who already know wat has happened. all im askin fer is to put ur prejudice aside..u wuldnt know if im emotionally stable or out of mind.dun even bother to sit down and talk to me or even to luk deep inside.wen ive already gotten over it..in which not at the nearest time,then i'll briefly say wat has happened tragically.for now i just wana wonder if his heart would shatter too after he shattered mine..does he feel the same?..i havent giv up yet.. cuz i still havent found the ultimate reason as to why he did this..how?? i refuse to make wild guesses cuz this wild tots could possibly do nothing but hurt me more..i jus want the answer from him..3weeks to 4oct..how am i supposed to move on u tell me??..wat will happen in 3 weeks? no one got an idea of wat the future brings..im crying now..but soon in 3 weeks?..do u think im gona cry still? after ive moved on like how u never fails to remind me every single day..as easy as it seems to u but heylo0! not me..in 3 weeks..will it be ur turn??? or will everything have a new beginning..OR...worst..will that 3 weeks be forgotten..& silence fill it..

Me, I'm scared of everything, I'm scared of who I am, what I saw, what I did, but most of all I am scared of walking out of this room and never feeling for the rest of my life, the way I feel when I'm with you..u get wat i mean? u feel wat i feel?? face it..Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew. true indeed. how to move on if my heart says move but my feet just wont. fill in this blanks that i have

AFDILLAH BIN ISMAIL!..

wake up! jus wat do u want??? tell me why??? what has been going on in ur mind?...

JUST WAD THE FCUKING HELL IS WRONG WIF YOU!

mumbles:

a setback is a setup for a comeback.

2008-09-15T17:18:00.002+08:00

FAITH

1)Confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing.
2)Belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence.
3)Loyalty to a person or thing; allegiance:

i learnt bout faith from u.

i learnt another truth too.

it wont work if only one out of two have faith.

mumbles:

PAIN IS PLEASURE.

PAIN IS NOW PART OF ME.

was born to be in pain.

p.s in accordance to the pic above.

2008-09-13T13:04:00.000+08:00

lil note Camy Left Behind:

If I stay, would you put an end to all the games you play

Can you promise me that you will never stray?

Has to be a new beginning from today...

only way I will stay.

But if I go, this will be the final curtain of the show.

You have lost the best thing that you ever known .

Guess you have to learn to make it on your own.

Let me know stay or go.

Astalavista

2008-09-13T06:00:00.001+08:00

status:

AWAY

mumbles:

guardian angel

its raining

& im hurt

can u hear my cries?

2008-09-12T04:13:00.005+08:00

i had maggi goreng for breakfast..one of my fave dish cooked by mum..extra spicy!00oweeee... as a result..? sore+throat=sorethroat..

its friday again..& boifey's booking out later afternoon..time do fly fast ryte?.how i spent my jobless weekdays at home?..eryan rugrat & marsha pebbles occupied them..ouh yes..
& sometimes i would drag mama in to0...their forced to entertained me..sadly they werent paid for it..& recently grandad wasnt in a gud condition..he was jus warded early yesterdae..he cant get up..he cant walk..he cant talk..he cant eat..honestly..i have very little faith in him..but its all in GOD's hand..with GOD'S willing..get well soon grandad!

in few hours im mitin this sleeping hunky soon!

wen i drag mama & eryan to entertain me with this toy..

grandad's sick days...

random..

haha...mum is tired of standing..

ok..theres something bothering my mind..im missing someone so bad..someone VERY close VERY dear to me..it goes like this..i was having my shower..& then something came into my mind..u guys might be thinking how come 'this someone' came into my mind while i was in my SHOWER ryte?honestly.i dun know.'this someone' just came..ok2..because i just felt that it has been so long since we last had our date..jus the 2 of us..wen i say 'date'..not only an outing..but also our late nyte talks..we almost have them everynite..yeap! EVERY nite..even untill 6 or 7 sunrise..i guess we both have insomnia..ahakz..we never ran out of topics our talks never run dry..flooded with laughter of the past memories..ouh yes!..lots of them..funny ones even..i guess thing changes wen im nomore single..wen this someone started working..she doesnt have this confirmed working time..& wen shes werking im free & vice versa..im not werking but my weekends are always occupied wif boifey cuz he books out on friday & books in on sunday evening..being a 'good' gerlfren..my weekends are taken by him, fetching & sending him in & out of camp..and sometimes i kip on giving excuses to her..u c i only got 200 a month.& by only 'days'..my 200 went poof!..& i got no more extra cash to spent..& i dun want to possibly use hers..eventho sometimes she offered sincerely.maybe slowly without us realizing days changes to weeks & soon to months..untill either one approaches its gona be this way all along..sometimes wen i wanted to ask how she is..i always have this tendency to think that 'maybe shes bz at werk'..'maybe she wanted to rest'..'maybe shes bz on the phone'..'maybe shes outside wif her other frens'..& wif this guessing thoughts of mine its gaves me the benefit of the doubt that she's changed. but to think of it again..WAT IF..she on the other side of the worlds acts the same too. what if she too feel the same as me..'maybe camy is wif her boyfren'..'maybe camy is asleep'..'maybe camy is bz wif her family'..'maybe camy is on the phone wif her guy'..& just by not knowing..we risk our frenship getting more awkwardly apart..true isnt it???..well its already weekend now..& this someone has got her job scheduled til sunday..& now wen my grandad's warded in NUH..& i have to go to n fro to johor wif the raya's cookies & dress...i just hope i'll mit her soon.if not..next saturday latest..including the other dollies too..

my darling scandal..you're greatly deeply missed.

im sorry if without purpose i ignore u.

old pic of us..'this someone' im referring to..

NORAIN SALLEH

mumbles:

Please do not speak as if you know me very well..

because you clearly do not.

It's an insult to my mother,

because she knows me the best.